Zach Stutland (center) proudly does the Warrior pose with his new classmates while struggling to hold in a fart

The date: June 7, 2022. I was fresh off of freshman year and ready to stay active throughout the summer— but what to do? Thankfully, I was given an opportunity that I could not pass up. Although the class was quite exhilarating, I may have been a tad reluctant at first. “Do we have to go all the way to the least Jewish North Shore suburb for this,” I whined as my mom dragged me to the car. I buckled myself in and we jammed out to Amy Winehouse all the way down to Winnetka. It was time for some Mantras in Movement.

Upon entry, I was instantly scolded down for being the only one in the room who wasn’t decked out in Lululemon from head to toe. My UofM themed Nike running shoes seemed instantly out of place amongst the bright pink Hoka Clifton 8s. With that being said, my lack-of-Lulu paled in comparison to everyone else’s palpable fear of “I may not quite fit into these yoga pants.”

As we began to warm up for the workout, I was met with a very pleasant surprise. As it turns out, most of these women were quite flexible. I can vividly remember everyone else being able to stretch out into a child’s pose with ease, however, my pelvis can still feel my attempt to this day. Even though I may not have had the most balance or flexibility in the room, I was the only one who could perform 15 jumping jacks without peeing a little.

As we moved on throughout the class, I knew that I was getting stronger. That was at least until the class was asked to perform an “open leg rocker,” a position I was not as familiar with compared to the other people in the room. Even with that minor setback, by I did learn some powerful mantras that I would repeat to myself throughout the workout: fun, motivational sayings such as “I’m not gonna fart!” and “Hot flashes are just motivation!”

The best part of my day was definitely after the workout, when I got to buy some delicious, artisanal, overpriced kombucha—because who doesn’t love stinky carbonated tea water that’s been sitting in a fridge! On the way out, I had the option to buy more overpriced stuff, such as an $85 dollar candle titled Affluence, and I could never forget about the $40 white-privilege-infused face scrub. All in all, it was definitely quite the afternoon in the lovely town of Winnetka

Zach Stutland
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