Lies, Corruption, Addiction. Recently, Deerfield High School has been plagued with a rampant methamphetamine epidemic. The potent substance is being produced and sold throughout the hallways at an alarming rate. Multiple student athletes have been suspended from IHSA competition for violating Deerfield’s substance use policies. The girls badminton team was forced into forfeiting a meet to Maine East as its entire roster—including head coach Mrs. Esgar—were found gearing up for practice. In the wake of this terrible epidemic, the Drug Enforcement Agency conducted an operation to find the producers of the meth being used all across Deerfield. Yesterday night, the DEA announced that it has arrested Deerfield science teacher Eugene Chung as well as a student, Matthew Eshaya for the production and distribution of the Deerfield strain of methamphetamine.

Their organization, known in the halls “Le Chatelier’s,” Chung and Eshaya’s ionic bond began when the student stumbled upon Chung in the act of whipping up a batch of his product. Eshaya, a junior taking early bird honors chemistry, had been struggling in Chung’s class and wanted to go over a test with his after school in his upper X-hall chem lab. Ever since, Eshaya had been forced into helping Mr. Chung produce the meth that plagues our town today. “I didn’t know what was going on that day, I just walked in to ask why I got a question wrong, but Mr. Chung looked like he was really focused on what he was doing in there,” the student said to one of our reporters after his court trial. 

After an analysis of the air quality of his classroom, the DEA estimates that Mr. Chung has been cooking meth in his classroom for the past 2 months. The product that Chung was churning out is definitely not on the mild side. Chung has used his chemistry expertise to create a recipe that produces quite the potent product. “I just made sure to favor the forward reaction,” he later admitted. A lab examination shows that the purity of Chung’s candy clocked in at 99.1%, a percent yield that he was not proud of. It was found out that Chung was ordering high amounts of liquified methylamine to be used in his product, giving the drug his and Eshaya produced a distinct light blue tint. In the past weeks, the police have phone-tapped Mr. Chung’s classroom and overheard him discussing the distribution of his and Eshaya’s product. “An increase in the concentration of our product means an increase in the prices, so we can maintain equilibrium, now that’s Le Chatelier’s principle!” It has been estimated that Chung’s meth empire had generated a revenue of $3 million, making him the 97th most wealthy person in Deerfield, behind high-salaried superintendent Dr. Bruce Law. 

Chung will now face 6.02 x 10^23 years in prison for his actions, however, Eshaya was granted innocence after turning in Chung to the DEA. In the wake of this scandal, Eshaya’s chemistry grade climbed from a pitiful C to an A- thanks to the instruction of one of Chung’s long term substitutes, Koren Plata. Now things are finally looking up for Deerfield High, according to a DELTA poll: 60% of DHS students have considered not doing meth in the last week.

Zach Stutland
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