As we approach the new school year, please remember to charge your school Chromebook, turn it on, and connect it to your home/available WiFi. This will enable your Chromebook to update its wireless certificate…IS WHAT I WOULD SAY IF I WERE WORKING FOR THE DISTRICT!
The district has been BOMBARDING our inboxes with this PROPAGANDA: “ACTION REQUIRED,” “Chrome Prep,” “Chromebook Reminder.” They think that us students are silly enough to fall for this simple ploy. Now the freshies might not know, this but our DHS bookstore was recently TAKEN OVER by “Beck’s bookstore,” a clear front for BIG TEXTBOOK. If you remember previous years we never had to update these so called “wireless certificates,” yet somehow when these BIG TEXTBOOK SHILLS enter OUR SCHOOL and take over OUR BOOKSTORE these “certificates” appear. Curious. In case this was not enough, they dare threaten us by saying if we don’t update it we will be FORCED to go to the bookstore.
“Now this sounds awfully contrived,” you might say to me, “Go outside and touch grass” you suggest; but nay I WILL NOT. Think about it, with the administration becoming BLOATED, the district has fallen on hard times. Since we’ve started seeing through their BUREAUCRATIC “PTOs” and “School Spirit” their coffers have started to run dry. Now my sources on the inside have told me that they now had to turn to BIG TEXTBOOK for help. This patriotic source tells me that with the help of their CRONIES in BIG TEXTBOOK, the district have planted NFT MINERS on these certificates and plan to install DHS Warrior themed CRYPTOCURRENCY on YOUR devices. They’ve turned the PROUD institution of our bookstore and CORRUPTED it into a PUPPET for BIG TEXTBOOK.
That’s not all they’ve done! Have you noticed anything strange about your new school ID? My team of investigators have found that, in fact, student IDs have grown 1/16 of an inch. You know what they found in that 16th of an inch? A TRACKER and CRYPTOCURRENCY WALLET. They want to EXPLOIT us humble hardworking students and make us not only buy our lunches through the CROOKED Quest Food Services, but make us pay in $WarriorCoin.
If us proud students at DHS don’t STAND UP against the agenda of these HOODLUMS the Warrior Way of life may soon perish. So WAKE UP Warriors and buy our new Warrior Wake-up™ Dietary Supplement, guaranteed to dampen the tracking effect of our new IDs.