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Korea Just Needs To Like, Chill Brah. Nah, But Like, For Real.

I usually don’t get into politics, brah. It’s really not my thing. Well actually, I have flipped past CNBC on my way to SpikeTV a couple times. That’s about it though.

But like, honestly, sometimes I just feel bad for these losers ‘cause they’re clue­less. These chumps walk around talking like they just studied the Wall Street or somethin’, but they don’t know jack. Whenever dudes start busting out the whole current events thing, I’m like, “dawg, the Soviet Union beat the Confederacy. Get over it!” And they shut up after that. Especially when I flex.

So of course, peo­ple are freakin’ about Korea and nuclear bombs and stuff these days. I’m gonna make a few things clear be­fore I go max out my bench press, brah.

I know a lot about this whole Korea problem, and how the East Korea is all like “West Koreans are a bunch of chumps,” and we get all scared and stuff and have meetings in the House of Congress or whatever. Boo-hoo. But honestly, what’s there to be scared of? Have you seen that King Kong guy, the one everyone’s freakin’ out about? I was probably bigger than him as a fetus! And he always has that look on his face like he just got inter­rupted in the middle of going number two, and he’s all clenched up and wants to get back in there and fin­ish the job. Am I right or am I right, brah?

And as far as the whole dictator thing goes, if these Koreans are voting for Com­munism, you gotta let them live the way they want to. But I’m not about to let them take over our govern­ment too. So all these “red states” in Ameri­ca, listen up: we will bomb each and every one of you! Get cozy with the Koreans if you want, but when you wake up and you’re sleeping in a giant crater where your house used to be, don’t say I didn’t warn you. Brah, That’s a red scare if I ever heard one.

Aight dawg, gotta go do cardio. So Ko­reans: figure it out, and don’t make me buy a plane ticket and come over there.

January 9, 2011

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