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Curler Can’t Find Friend to Sit with in Olympic Cafeteria

By George Minkowski
VANCOUVER– Getting to the Olympics takes years of determination and sacrifice. That is, unless you are a curler, in which case all it takes is a complete lack of dignity. But for American Curler Francis Par, it just took a series of failures in every other sport to get to Vancouver for the 2010 winter games.
Born and raised in Fairfax, Virginia, Francis wasn’t good at anything, so naturally he turned to curling were the expectations are so low, people don’t even bet on it ironically. After 14 days of training, he was off to the Olympics, only to find that being an Olympic curler isn’t as cool as his mother made it out to be.
The first and only legitimate challenge that Francis would face presented itself the afternoon of his arrival. He was hungry and wanted to see if the cafeteria had good Mac&Cheese so he went to go eat. It turns out they did have Mac&Cheese, so Francis rejoiced, paid for it, and then left to find someone to eat with.
He made eye contact with the hockey players first, then the Nordic skiers, but nobody offered him a seat or any respect. Francis made an attempt to sit with the Canadian curlers, but the language barrier that they invented to avoid sitting with him was too much to overcome.
To make matters worse for Francis, he couldn’t find the Olympic WERCS to eat in.

February 21, 2010

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