By Antone Walters
Dr. Third Eye, the notorious super-villain bent on world domination, was bested once again by Alphaville’s most powerful superhero, Hyperboy.
“My plan would have worked marvelously,” recounted the evil doctor in a press event last week. “I had just perfected a truth serum, which I would use to pollute Alphaville’s water supply, forcing everybody to release their innermost secrets, and their awful truths, and… um… My dad would maybe tell me he’s proud of me.”
Dr. Third Eye had even captured Hyperboy, chaining him to a bicycle rack and handcuffing him. Before departing to steal the world’s supply of Sweet Baby Ray’s BBQ sauce, however, the super-villain made a point to explain each intricate step of his plan for world domination.
“I don’t think he really knows how to speak in front of an audience,” Hyperboy reported later in the Alphaville Post. “He kind of turned away from me after a while and started mumbled to himself, at which point I used my super-strength to break the cuffs and the chains, and flew out the back window. I guess all three of his eyes were closed, because I don’t even think he noticed I had escaped.”
Hyperboy laments the tendency of super-villain to ramble on and on. “It has gotten kind of boring lately. I’m not really complaining. I just feel like a lot of my adventures would have been a little more exciting had my nemeses not taken time to explain their plans in complete detail before leaving me to die a slow and easily escapable death.”