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Deerfield Food Pantry Has Enough Cream of Celery, Thank You

By George Minkowski DEERFIELD– Tuesday after school, judges went around the building to decide which homeroom built the best can-struction. Most of them were made from dented cans of cream…

SparkNotes Releases SparkNoted SparkNotes

By Jeremy Hoodaman SparkNotes, the sworn enemy of English teachers everywhere, recently announced “SparkNotes: SparkNotes Edition”, a new website with abbreviated versions of its summaries. Students have long complained about…

Super-Villain Talks Too Much, Hero Escapes Again

By Antone Walters Dr. Third Eye, the notorious super-villain bent on world domination, was bested once again by Alphaville’s most powerful superhero, Hyperboy. “My plan would have worked marvelously,” recounted…

Quiznos Owes Us Big Time For Showing Their Ad Here

Everyone Survives Offensive Halloween Costume

Sophomore Almost Caught Up on Lost

Area Border Collie Hates His Name