By George Minkowski

DEERFIELD— In recent weeks, DHS students have been asking teachers, coaches, and lunch ladies for letters of recommendation to submit with their college applications. Most teachers are beginning to lament this task. Such is not the case with substitute teacher Louie Farfalle.
Farfalle, who has been substitute teaching at Deerfield for 3 years now, believes that he has gotten to know his students very well. “Whenever a teacher has a ‘doctor appointment’ on a Friday afternoon, who is there to fill in? Louie is,” complains Louie to Flipside reporters. “I always tell my students that if they ever need help, they can come to me… as long as their question was not addressed in the teacher’s lesson plan. It is very important to follow directions.”
The obviously offended and frustrated substitute teacher took matters into his own hands, writing a college recommendation without being asked. The recommendation was for Senior Alex Rose, whom Farfalle has met twice before.
“I didn’t even ask that creepy sub to write me a rec. He just did,” Alex reports. “He gave me a copy of the recommendation he wrote and it was really bizarre. He said that I was a responsible and hard working young man who makes class fun and interesting. He cited me telling him what the homework was as proof. It was also clear that he didn’t know my name.”
Mr. Farfalle then took the liberty of sending the letter to all the schools Alex is applying to.
“He did what?” adds Alex.
“As a substitute teacher, I should be treated the same as any other teacher. That means I should be invited to holiday parties. I should know any and all juicy faculty gossip, and I should be seen as a person whose opinion would matter to a college admissions board. It’s ridiculous that I have to bribe students to let me write their college recs,” explains Farfalle.
Any other sane person would agree that it is ridiculous to bribe a student to write their letter of recommendation, but for substitute teacher Louie Farfalle, prying into the lives of his “students” is the only way he feels any self worth in an otherwise thankless job.
So, DHS, please remember to thank your substitutes. They really do work hard, and if you don’t thank them, they’ll tell your teacher how poorly behaved you were which is the last thing your teacher wants to hear when they get back from Disney La— I mean a meeting.

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