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Student Council Passes the Fair Grading Standards Act

By Boscoe Cheyenne

DEERFIELD, IL—The Universal Fair Standards in Grading Act was signed into law yesterday by Student Council president David Zwick. It is informally known as the “Fair Grading Standards Act” and will give the students of Deerfield High School and around the nation the power to challenge their grades lawfully.

“Every high school student deserves a fair grade,” said President Zwick. “Did you just get a B+ that you want to be rounded up to an A-? The Fair Grades Act is for you.”

This law aims to affect teachers who may be cheating students out of one and possible two percentage points on an exam, accidentally. “The Fair Grades Act will change all of this,” says Zwick. “Now with the new ‘Good Effort’ clause, any student who seeks to raise his or her grade an excess of five times will automatically be rewarded a half grade increase. We just want to make sure that if you want a better grade hard enough but may not have the means, you can still get it.”

This new effort by the Student Council hopes to harness its immense influence over the student body. “This might be the most important event of the year,” says anxious junior Gordon Carnegie. I have always tried to raise my grades, but the previous laws have made it so difficult to do so. Now I have the support of my school and my Student Council, and I feel like there is nothing that can stop me.”

Any controversy between the student and the teacher will now move directly to the higher Student Council Court of Law, who with its jury of your peers, will most likely resolve to raise your grade no matter what the case.

This law has some very interesting lines such as the one that says, “Each student has the right to complain…indefinitely… in order to seek a raise of grade point average…. All grading rights not explicitly covered by the council are hereby left to the students.”

Mr. Ickie Grenwich, teacher of law at Deerfield High School, marvels at the new law. “Its beauty is in its open ended nature,” he says. “There has never been a better time to receive good grades for students.”

December 15, 2008

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