By Romulus Glenn
DEERFIELD, IL-Excitement was abound among all WERCS tutors alike after President Bush announced in his recent State of the Union address that the Declaration of Independence was in need of a great deal of editing, and Deerfield High School’s WERCS tutors were right for the job.
“With all that’s been going on recently in my administration, I thought we’d look at the core of America’s problems, right where it started. And what better fitting organization to head up the Congressional Editing Committee than Deerfield High School’s WERCS tutors.”
The news came as a complete shocker to the townsfolk of Deerfield. “This news was surprising,” said Ms. Guut, WERCS supervisor, “I didn’t think anyone noticed us, let alone the President. We were very excited to be offered the task. However, we had to make sure that the President filled out a WERCS conference sheet before meeting with our tutors.”
The results of the editing process were very surprising.
“While it had a well-developed thesis, its contention failed to use proper support,” said tutor Andrew Ring. “Why were those truths held to be self-evident? I don’t know.”
The editing of the Declaration of Independence led to the speaking out of major Democratic leaders.
“There are plenty of other documents in need of far more editing than the sacred document that is the Declaration of Independence,” said Democratic National Committee chair Howard Dean, “Why not the Bill of Rights, or Martin Luther King’s I have a Dream Speech? The President should be looking at his own awkward usage of prepositional phrases before he looks to correct the works of others.”
While senators from both parties plan to duke it out on the Senate and House floors, the WERCS intends to continue the editing process.
“Putting politics aside, anything and everything could still use a little editing,” said Ring, “but please sign in before you sit down. That means you Cheney.”