By Yuri Carinque
LITTLE ROCK, AR –Gordon Winthrop, local homeless man in the Little Rock region, admitted in a press release last Wednesday that despite the struggling housing markets, he has been doing quite fine.
“I’ve actually been doing quite fine,” stated Winthrop, “Maybe even better than ever. Since the housing markets have utterly collapsed, I think a lot more people have been on my side.”
The credit markets and housing markets had experienced a major downturn due to leveraging and risky loaning. Winthrop, however, was indifferent to the whole escapade.
“The thing is,” replied Winthrop in a knowingly oblivious tone, “those things don’t really affect me. I stopped dealing with credit and debt and banking fifteen years ago.”
Understandably, the homeless shelter has gotten a little more cramped, but this also did not seem to affect Winthrop.
“You know, Yuri,” said the laid back Winthrop, “most of these things don’t affect me. I have been living a carefree life recently, and even the tight quarters at the homeless shelter aren’t that bad because I haven’t been spending too much time there either.”
The Department of the Homeland Security failed to comment on this issue because they felt that it wasn’t really relevant to them. However they did note that the warning level is orange.
“High interest rates, fed fund rates changes, bull markets, these terms are all a bunch of garbage,” said Winthrop. “There is just one thing I really cant stand: Body Odor.”