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Homeless Man Unaffected By Struggling Housing Market

By Yuri Carinque LITTLE ROCK, AR –Gordon Winthrop, local homeless man in the Little Rock region, admitted in a press release last Wednesday that despite the struggling housing markets, he…

Pen Runs Out Despite Repeated Pressing of Easy Button

By Picov Andropov DEERFIELD, IL –In the middle of arguing that the era of Jacksonian Democracy was improperly titled, Deerfield Junior Orson Buggy’s newly purchased pen began to run out…

Hurricane La Catrina Strikes Desperate Sophomore Class

By Peter Cottel DEERFIELD, IL—In a devastating attack, “La Catrina: Episodio Uno” struck the unprepared sophomore class last Tuesday in the listening lab in D-111. Many came out so disheveled…