There are just so many crappy options. All the bathrooms both literally and metaphorically stink. I would like to drop a deuce in D Hall, but there is this brown stuff smeared all over the wall. Wonder what that is? I heard R hall is nice and tranquil. But it might be too quiet for my likings; the only sound would be the sound of my anus! And a slight plop when my doody hits the water. This is one of the most important choices in my high school career.

There is nice double-sided toilet paper in M-hall, which lessens the burn on my two butt cheeks. D-hall has many stalls with various amounts of brown submarines left over and I could always chat with my next-door neighbors. If my feces is muy grande, then it might be nice to have supports from my fellow crapiteers. With great dung, comes great responsibility.

I’ve heard good things about X-hall regulars. The toilets are high up, so the water doesn’t touch my tucas when I let my little brown guy go. Still, sometimes I need something to hold onto for support, which is why F-hall is a good option. Uh oh. It’s starting to come out. It’s halfway out and I still haven’t decided where to go! Look at that open space! The courtyard!! Why did I not think of that before? Ahhhhhhh.

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