By Tony “The Trashtalker” Ta’alio

Hey you. Yea you, in the gray shirt with the obscure band on it. Yea, I’m talking to you. Don’t look away now just ‘cause your intimidated by the T-Man. Tony’s gonna play it nice this time.

We can make this painless. I’m just here for the scoop. So let’s hear it. What did you get on that March National Test? You know what I’m talking about. The A-C-T. The Alpha Charlie Tango. The drama club. The “big one.”

Fine! You don’t want to tell, you don’t have to. All I’m asking for is the range. Give me an idea. Are you above fifteen? Well, that’s good, I was asking that more as a rhetorical question. Are you in the thirty to thirty five range? No? That’s ok, we can’t all be Einsteins. So then, we got you punked between fifteen and thirty five. We’re almost there, this will be painless.

Dude, just tell me now. It’s not like it matters. Everyone has an ACT score. And also, it’s not like I am going to judge you and hate you and call you a bigot and a racist if you don’t get above a twenty seven. It’s not like that.

OK, how about this. We will make it into a game. I will say a number and you say “Ka-pow” if I got it right. Twenty two. Thirty one. Twenty nine. Twenty. Thirty six. Five. Twenty six. Did I hear you say “Ka-pow?” No? All right then, we’ll keep going. What? You need to go do homework? Don’t give me that excuse. I’ve heard it before.

No, I am not being annoying! All I asked you was one simple question. How about this: You tell me a president that was the same number as what you got. No? What about this: Tell it to me in binary code. I feel like we aren’t getting anywhere. But, it’s ok, you can’t stop the T-Talker. He keeps talkin’. We’ll get that ACT out of you sometime.

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