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Citing Lack of Presidential Achievement, Bush Unifies the Dakotas

By Winston Llental

Recently, immediately after realizing that he was indeed President, George W. Bush also realized that his time in office was running out. Looking back on his tenure at President, he didn’t see anything that would mark his legacy for years to come. In order to do so, and have a little fun on the way, Bush announced at a recent press conference that he would be unifying North Dakota and South Dakota into one state known as The Dakota.

“The Dakota will bring North Dakotans and South Dakotans together as one, ending a feud that has lasted for more than a century,” says Bush.

Whether or not that feud had existed prior Bush’s announcement, it has lead to an eruption of state pride that has turned into a hatred not seen in America since the likes of the Civil War. North Dakotans are now accusing South Dakotans of slave running while South Dakotans are accusing North Dakotans of making illegal trade agreements with Canada.

A question also remains as to how the current Republican governors of North and South Dakota, John Hoeven and Michael Rounds, respectively, will share power. Although Bush has already named both of them as Co-Governors of The Dakota, a publicity blitz has begun to oust either governor on both sides of the Dakota state lines. The Anti-Michael Rounds of the former North Dakota is touting a campaign that uses “Michael Rounds is a Square,” while the Anti-John Hoeven campaign of South Dakota is using the campaign of “Hoeven Ain’t Got Love for The Dakota.”

If the Dakota dream does come true as Bush hopes, he is sure that it will spark tourism to the least exciting state in America. “I honestly don’t know what is down there,” Bush chuckled. “Heck, one state, two states, red state, blue state!”

Bush said he would go to any lengths necessary to unify the Dakotas, even if it means an invasion by the US army to the North/South Dakota state line. Democrats were outraged by this claim, but since they offered no viable solution as they often do, they said they wouldn’t stop The Dakota from becoming a reality.

December 14, 2008

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