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Ask Mr. Motzko: Time

ASK MR MOTZKO

#16

Dear Mr. Motzko,
I have been doing so many different things lately that I just keep running out of time. I need to clean my room and do my homework and watch all of the reruns of Family Guy and after that, I barely even have time to eat. I need to make more time. What do you suggest?
Time-less in Toronto

Dear TinT
I too have felt the bony hand of Kronos as he has furrowed my apple cheeks until they resembled a topographical map of Nevada. We are all slaves to the circular master and resistance is futile (although stylish, especially when accompanied with a beret and mustache). It sounds like your issue here is not one of time management, but of productivity. To be honest, you sound about as productive as a Liger farm. The best solution here is to get your natural circadian rhythms in line with nature. As such, I am recommending that you align yourself with a friendly brood of cicadas and take a 17 year nap, nourishing yourself on the fluids in tree roots. If that is not a recipe for extra time nor a recipe for success, all I have left is to offer this recipe taken from the parking lots of many a Grateful Dead concert. According to “Cooking With the Dead” (Elizabeth Zipern 1995), one can make a tasty, yet nutritious snack of Karma Korn by mixing 1/2 cup raw popcorn, olive oil, tamari, yeast extract, dill weed, cayenne pepper and garlic powder. Pop the corn in a wok, then roll the kernals in a mixture of the oil and spices. Put on Nassau Coliseum 5/9/81.

December 15, 2008

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