And the Other Newest Gifts for This Holiday Season

New Apple Product Really Sucks

This year’s Holiday Season is incomplete without the newest Apple product, The iSuck. How often has one vacuumed the floor to the monotonous white noise of a rowdy electric engine? Now, people everywhere can have four days of songs and videos right on their dust-buster! Because heaven knows, the average person spends almost three quarters of their lives making a mess. Apple has never made a product that is this bad and poorly engineered. Steve Jobs says about the new iSuck, “This product sucks so much…The world has never seen anything like it.”

Seven-in-One’s Now Available!

Sick of only have six functions on your Book-Store-Bought trinket? Well now, the new Ford Seven-in-One has the original six functions, plus, now it can be thrown a distance of 16-feet! This new aerodynamic type tool can hit that annoying kid across the room and you can be the hero!

(results may vary.)

Sodexho Gift Cards

Can’t find that gift for your special someone? These colorful cards are perfect for you! For relatives and friends of all ages, these cards are valid in every public school and prison in the state of Illinois. Give it to the kid who always pays in cash and messes the line, or give it to grandma to use at “The Home.”

Comes in:

$5.00 (a Gatorade)

$10.00 (a single Bosco Stick or HoHo)

$25.00 (a sandwich or slice of pizza)

$100.00 (pasta)

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