BAYFIELD, WI—After approximately seventeen seconds of focusing on this article, local student Jud Oliption, found himself unable to make it to the next sentence.

“Yeah, after the word ‘found’ it was really impossible for me not to pay attention to the bright colors on the Earthworks banner. Are you in Earthworks?”

Jud’s friends said that it was impossible to notice his ADD, except for the few times when he started doing jumping jacks at lunch just to relieve his boredom.

The next article, by the way, is very good and entertaining, so I suggest that if you too have made it this far, that you move on to the next one.

+ posts
You May Also Like

Local Man ‘Crippled with Fear’ After String of Increasingly Specific Fortune Cookies

Packard, OH— After eating at the local Panda Express three times a…

Confused Freshman Discovers Z-Hall

Lost and hopelessly confused, freshman Danny Booker found himself wandering around a…

Seniors Skip Traditional Senior Prank–Blamed on “Senioritis”

“Senioritis,” reports Dr. Hugh Jabutt, local laziness expert, “is traditionally encountered by seniors during their second…