By Picov Andropov

Vice President of External Affairs

LAS VEGAS, NV – Unlike the popular big screen debut of 21, in which MIT students make thousands of dollars playing blackjack by counting cards, a lesser known 22 went straight to video cassette. Desperate for money, five seniors from College of Lake County taught themselves how to count cards, or so they thought.

Despite hours trying to attain the difficult skill of counting cards, the students actually ended up losing money. What with the expensive plane tickets and hotel rooms in Las Vegas and, oh yeah, the fact that they were mathematically challenged, ultimately contributed to this furthering deficit in money. “We’re uh, we’re not that great at counting cards,” said one student. “Most of us need calculators to keep up with the dealers. Even so, most of the time we would end up with 22 or, sometimes, 31, which isn’t even possible if you think about it.” Security does not take kindly to calculators on blackjack tables, as several of the students were thrown out as a result.

It’s wasn’t that they didn’t know how to count cards, it’s just they weren’t great at it. “We were making dumb mistakes, like mistaking 6 for 9. Other than that, I don’t know what went wrong.”

Not even cheating could help them succeed. “Gambling’s a funny thing. We can play the probability and lose, or we can cheat and lose, either way, we’re going to lose.”

The students plan to give up their dreams of becoming professional blackjack players, accountants, and tax consultants. We’ve all learned a valuable lesson from the student’s mistakes; if you can’t count, don’t try to count cards.

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