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Kick-Off Pre-Gaming Accidentally Scheduled After Kick-Off Dance

Traditionally, Jackson High School hosts an informal school dance home to dougie-ing, crump-ing, and stanky leg-ing. However, last week’s kick-off dance had an abysmally low attendance because of a snafu…

DHS Student To Drop AP Psychology, Pick Up “Blow-Off” AP U.S History Instead

Arnold Schwarzenberger had been an underachiever all his life and sophomore year was no different. Schwarzenberger had already opted to take Honors Pre-Calculus and Honors Chemistry instead of Honors Chinese…

Juniors Use Leftover Baking Flour in Courtyard for Giant Cake

After an unpublicized incident in the school courtyard, several hundred juniors scrounged up the baking flour for one purpose—sponge cake. The most elusive of all white, puffy cakes, the sponge…

Students Outraged Over School-Approved Senior Shirt

In one of the biggest scandals since last year’s senior shirt, the student body is in an uproar over the inappropriate senior shirt. Most of the teenage boys took great…

Cleverbot to Replace Romney In Presidential Race

Nothing Says Artistic Talent Like Modern Art

Physics Class Calculates That Raging Bull Is “Very Fun”

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