INSERT LOCATION HERE – In breaking news, we are receiving early reports just now that a Flipside writer has forgotten to write an article. The lack of an article for this very issue was pointed out after the school administration noticed a stark absence of people getting offended by the Flopside. In response, the writer decided to revert to the old Flipside maxim of “Quantity over Quality.” That’s right, Flipside reader. We’ve run out of people to make fun of, so we’re going to make fun of ourselves.

We asked one school administrator, Bob Cleverlastname, what he thought about the lack of original Flipside content. Bob responded, “When has the Flipside ever been original anyways?” Ouch. Nice one, Bob. We then asked what his favorite part of the Flipside was. “Well,” he answered, “sometimes if the bathrooms run out of toilet paper, we just fill the stalls with extra copies of the Flipside and no one seems to notice the difference.” Well played, Robert.

In an effort to prove to the Bobs of the world that the Flipside does, indeed, matter to Deerfield students, we roamed the halls and asked students what they thought about the Flipside. Junior Mike Fillin posed this riddle: “What’s black and white and read all over? . . . Not the Flipside lolz.” Thanks for the honesty, Mike.

A recent survey found that 43% of students had never heard of the Flipside, 12% had heard of it but thought it was a brand of mouthwash, 30% of students claimed it was their only source of news, 90% of students won’t read this far into the made-up statistics, and only 8% of students noticed that “Flipside” was misspelled in the beginning of this article while 100% just checked to see if that was true. Of course it was true, reader. When have we ever lied to you?

Breaking news development: the writer who was supposed to write this article has apparently fled to Canada. S/he left behind a list of unwritten Flipside stories, such as “Straight Outta G Hall: M.W.A. Part II,” “How to Always Finish What You Start: 30 Tips that,” “Dam It All: Comedy for Frustrated Beavers,” “Why Comedy Writers Use So Many Lists,” “Raisins?,” and “Flipside Writer Forgets to Write Article.” See what we did there? Yeah. Comedy.

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