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A Freshman’s Guide to Halloween at DHS: Beware of Short Shorts

By Ethel Flakes

Alright froshies, The Flipside is here to prepare you for your first Halloween at DHS. It’s a day full of excitement when you can stare at everyone’s costumes instead of learning stuff in class. But you need to put some thought into choosing a costume. Every year we see the same superheroes, Disney characters, Harry Potters, firefighters, Lady GaGas, and plenty of other clichés.

Don’t be that annoying group of freshmen who get t-shirts as costumes. Just because you paid $30 to have a princess printed on a shirt doesn’t mean you are one—so let’s not pretend we’re in middle school anymore. And you don’t need to prove that you have friends with that little “Halloween 2011 Gummy Bears” in the corner. You might as well write “OMG, like I still use AIM!<3”
You will see a funny junior with a risqué costume who risks detention by completely violating the Dean’s lovely email. Adam Long, who was a female mariachi player/burrito maker last year, still defends his choice of costume.

“I mean, I wasn’t trying to offend anyone or anything. Hey, did you know that adding ‘no offense’ at the end of any sentence makes it okay for you to say anything?”

Really, test out Adam’s advice. Your gym teacher won’t be offended when you tell them you aren’t going to do that project on the rules of field hockey “cuz this isn’t a real class, no offense.” Totally okay! But what’s totes not okay are some of the sophomore girls’ costume choices.

Their skimpy outfits as flappers, referees, or cops are also pretty risqué. But it’s Halloween, so they can get away with wearing short shorts at the end of October and breaking the dress code.

“Wait, we have a dress code? Whatevs, I looked hawt!” sophomore Brooke Golde, who dressed as a police officer last year said.
The police costume is surprisingly popular among girls and boys alike. You will probably see it worn by a group of hilarious upperclassmen boys in addition to underclassmen girls. Todd Banlee, an ex-senior currently taking a gap year to become the best COD player in the Chicagoland area, weighed in on being a retro cop last year.

“Dude, our shorts were so short they served an ironic purpose, obviously. It was really the shorts that made the costume. Old school basketball players or lumberjacks woulda been just as fly for me to show off my legs.”

Not everyone can pull of the short shorts, so someone will undoubtedly be in a banana suit. Anyone can buy a banana suit, and you won’t impress anybody. Moral of the story: try for some originality. You don’t want to end up crying in the bathroom from any ‘who wore it best?’ embarrassment.

Final tip: You can never go wrong as a ghost from a white sheet a la Charlie Brown. Oh wait, that covers your face – sorry, not allowed!

October 20, 2011

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