Senior Discovers New Way To Succeed, Calls It “Studying”

­By Trixie Dewdrop

Deerfield High School senior Edwin Rush made a remarkable discovery last week when he discovered a new strategy to get good grades. He calls it “study­ing.”

“I just like, sat there and worked, dude. For like an hour. Then I got a solid C… Weird, right?” Rush told The Flipside. “I just think this is something that could, in the future, be re­ally helpful,” he continued, “like those stairs for cats they adver­tise on TV.”

Like so many great inven­tions, Rush’s idea of “studying” came about accidentally when he mistakenly brought home his math book instead of his lacrosse equipment. After tripping over a hamper and falling face-first onto the book, he opened it up and was surprised to find chapters and chapters of helpful material.

“Things actually started mak­ing sense after about an hour,” Rush said. “It’s like cheating, al­most. All the answers to the ques­tions on the test are in here! It’s crazy-go-nuts!”

While the results of Rush’s dis­covery have proven successful for some, others still struggle to succeed in their classes. “I get the math,” senior Darcy Cotton said. “I just keep getting D’s because I like making cool designs out of the answers on my Scan-Tron. Look, a double helix!”

Regardless, Rush still stands by his methods. “If studying for a math test works, who’s to say that it couldn’t work in other classes too,” he mused excitedly. “Heck, I might even try it out before my next history class if my teacher gives me permission.”

Many are wondering what oth­ers inventions Rush has in store for the world. When asked by a fan what other innovations he had in mind, he responded, “Hmmm… Well, like, you know how every­one loves the iPod touch? Well, what if they made a really, really, big iPod touch? Ahhhh… A man can dream, right?”

January 9, 2011

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