By Trixie Dewdrop
Deerfield High School senior Edwin Rush made a remarkable discovery last week when he discovered a new strategy to get good grades. He calls it “studying.”
“I just like, sat there and worked, dude. For like an hour. Then I got a solid C… Weird, right?” Rush told The Flipside. “I just think this is something that could, in the future, be really helpful,” he continued, “like those stairs for cats they advertise on TV.”
Like so many great inventions, Rush’s idea of “studying” came about accidentally when he mistakenly brought home his math book instead of his lacrosse equipment. After tripping over a hamper and falling face-first onto the book, he opened it up and was surprised to find chapters and chapters of helpful material.
“Things actually started making sense after about an hour,” Rush said. “It’s like cheating, almost. All the answers to the questions on the test are in here! It’s crazy-go-nuts!”
While the results of Rush’s discovery have proven successful for some, others still struggle to succeed in their classes. “I get the math,” senior Darcy Cotton said. “I just keep getting D’s because I like making cool designs out of the answers on my Scan-Tron. Look, a double helix!”
Regardless, Rush still stands by his methods. “If studying for a math test works, who’s to say that it couldn’t work in other classes too,” he mused excitedly. “Heck, I might even try it out before my next history class if my teacher gives me permission.”
Many are wondering what others inventions Rush has in store for the world. When asked by a fan what other innovations he had in mind, he responded, “Hmmm… Well, like, you know how everyone loves the iPod touch? Well, what if they made a really, really, big iPod touch? Ahhhh… A man can dream, right?”