By George Minkowski
TEHRAN, IRAN –This past Friday, Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad announced that they have successfully detonated a nuclear weapon. This feat makes them the ninth nation in the world to successfully complete nuclear tests. Iran’s announcement comes as a complete surprise to most of the world, especially seeing that Iran hadn’t even obtained weapons-grade Uranium as of early this year. Regardless, they did it, and unless you want to end up in jail, you best not ask how.
“We know it seems unlikely that we have developed a nuclear weapon on such short notice, but I promise it’s true,” President Ahmadinejad told a kidnapped Flipside reporter who was dumb enough to ask for details. “Why would we lie about something like that?”
In fact, they do have proof. “But I left it at home,” continued Ahmadinejad. “Anyway, now that we have ‘joined the club’ so to speak, wouldn’t it be fun if all of us nuclear countries got together and shared our nuclear secrets?”
Amhmadinejad created a Facebook event for this meeting and sent out an invitation to the other eight “nuclear nations.” Even though Israel is not on this list, Iran still made it abundantly clear that they were not invited.
United States Defense Secretary Robert Gates promptly declined the invitation saying, “Oh no. We’re not falling for that one again,” referring to how Soviet Russia acquired nuclear capabilities back in the early 1950s.
“Their loss,” said Ahmadinejad. “Looks like they’re going to be the ones missing out on all the weapon blueprints and methods of acquiring enriched uranium. However, if they absolutely can’t make it, I guess they can e-mail us their secrets.”