Curler Can’t Find Friend to Sit with in Olympic Cafeteria

By George Minkowski VANCOUVER– Getting to the Olympics takes years of determination…

Scandal of the Century: Two Girls Wear Same Sleazy Dress to Turnabout

By Stasi Starr DEERFIELD– As the old adage goes, no two snowflakes…

History Classes Officially Deemed Pointless

By Buford Stetson WASHINGTON, D.C. – In a press release last Friday,…

Opinion: I Enjoy Doughnuts… So What?

By Officer Dan I spend long days patrolling the streets, enforcing speed…

Doctor Doesn’t Really Want to be Asked if Valtrex is Right for You

Opinion: Found Nothing?! How About This Empty Gatorade Bottle?

By Butch, the Bomb-Sniffing German Shepherd Horray! I love coming to this…

Area Student Wins Contest to See Who Can Get Less Sleep

By Gunther Hausmann After a near-sleepless night of doing homework and going…

Super Bowl Makes Tuesday Fatter

By Buford Stetson MIAMI, FL — As Tracy Porter intercepted Petyon Manning’s…

New Best Pickup Line for DHS Students: Whipping Out The CPR Certification Card

Congress Passes Landmark Anti-Obama Legislation

By George Minkowski WASHINGTON, DC— An applause erupted on Capitol Hill this…