Hot Girl Likes Books

By George Minkowski
DEERFIELD— As the old adage goes, never judge a book by its cover. Though we at The Flipside recommend judging books by their covers (i.e. The Color of Water), Junior Courtney Haber is a special exception. Those familiar with Courtney describe her as being “like, really hot,” but she wants to make it clear that she is more than just a pretty face. She also likes to read and stuff.
“Thank you so much. Yes, I know. I’m really pretty, but that’s not the way I want to be remembered at this school,” Haber told The Flipside in an exclusive interview, “I’m really so much more than that. I like books and homework and learning.”
“I even read The Da Vinci Code all by myself,” Haber added, “and I kind of understood it.”
The young Eleanor Roosevelt can be found in the front row of her classes, busily taking notes and asking questions that she really wants to know the answers to. Her backpack is full of spiral notebooks and heavily annotated required reading material. Some would call Courtney a brown-noser, including her teachers. Others, such as her close friend Tiffany, contest that Courtney “just, like, really loves to learn.”
Regardless of her confessed bookworm tendencies, Haber continues to attract the attention of many male students at Deerfield High School. “Oh, uhhh… I was just stretching my neck. My bad,” stammered sophomore Carl Ashcroft after making awkward eye contact with Haber during English class, “Yeah, uhhh, I used to hate nerds, but Courtney made me realize that there’s more to a person than the way they look or dress. But right now it’s hard for me to think about anything other than OH MY GOD SHE IS SO ATTRACTIVE.”
Whether color-coding her history notes or printing a ten-page study guide for a reading quiz, Courtney Haber strives every day to both excel in her studies and make you feel worthless in comparison. “She’s pretty, I’ll admit,” says Junior Tara Reynolds, “…pretty good at making me want to drop out of school. Honestly, how can I compete with that? She’s like a hot Ben Franklin.”

December 13, 2009

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