Celtics Bulls Basketball After winning just as much as losing, the .500 Bulls are in the playoffs. Rookie Derrick Rose, the only Bull with talent, understands, “Hey, it’s the Eastern conference. The standards are about as low as gym leaders.”

Yet, the Bulls face the defending champs, the Celtics, first round: a guaranteed beat down. Think DHS playing New Trier, but worse. Doc Rivers, who I believe got his medical degree from Yale, couldn’t stand to watch his team maul the Bulls. Rivers said, “Considering the Bulls don’t even have a real basketball coach, I think the only way we can have single digit victory margins is by sitting our super stars. I may have to bench Rondo as well. Gordon keeps shooting the ball every time he touches it. He doesn’t realize he has teamates.”

To be honest, I wouldn’t pass to Aaron Gray either.

(Editor’s note: Hindsight is cruel.)

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