By Troy Newmanns

SATURN—Recent discoveries through NASA’s many telescopes have led to the discovery of water on one of Saturn’s moons, Enceladus. The water has rushed through the moon’s surface, leading to many questions about whether life could sustain there. For the past decade, research has been conducted to discover whether Mars, the fourth planet from the sun, could support human life. However, with these new discoveries, the focus has changed.

“It’s very exciting. It could mean the expansion of the human race throughout the galaxy and could lead to intergalactic traveling,” said Dr. Noheet Ahll, during a recent NASA press conference. “There are millions to be made with these discoveries and scientists all around the world are trying to make discoveries as quickly as possible. It’s like a new space race.”

Of course, with the potential of humans living on Saturn, the commercial possibilities are endless. A McDonalds representative said, “Just like there is a McDonalds in every country, there will be a McDonalds on every one of Saturn’s moons.” Other restaurant chains such as Chili’s, Buger King, Jack in the Box, and Baskin Robbins have released their plans for future restaurant locations on Enceladus in 2009. “Everyone wants to get up there. Where there are people, there’s money to be made,” said one CEO who wished to remain nameless for competition purposes.

Local bar owners have also expressed interest in moving to Enceladus to seek out the fortune that is to be made. “They say that moons are made of cheese, but I just want to make money,” said local bar owner Michael Haberdeg. “I could see this happening. I think I’ll start right now in making some first tests. I’ll be ready for 2009. Yes, I will be ready.”

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