HIGHLAND PARK, IL–In a new revolutionary initiative, District 113 is starting a program called, Send-A-Kid- To-The-Mall-Who-Has- Already-Been-There-A- Bunch-of-Times, or SAKTTMWHABTTABT for short.
In this project, kids who have already bought all the silly things they need and don’t need will get another chance to get some more stuff.
“It’s so nice that they like started this like event right before the holiday season,” says one overprivileged junior. “I like that they are giving back, and like just in time for me to buy a new Coach purse.”
“You know with charity, it’s the underprivileged children who get all of the attention, and we really just leave those overprivilged in the dust,” says the program’s sponsor. “They want to buy more things too.”
When asked what they plan to get at the mall, the overprivileged children responded with various answers. “I plan to get a better digital camera,” said one girl. “My old one is just out of style.”
“I just want Starbucks,” said one overprivelged couple. “I love my triple Venti nonfat half-caff soy latte, and I haven’t had one for like two days!”