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School Sponsors Over privileged Children to Go to the Mall

HIGHLAND PARK, IL–In a new revolutionary initiative, District 113 is starting a program called, Send-A-Kid- To-The-Mall-Who-Has- Already-Been-There-A- Bunch-of-Times, or SAKTTMWHABTTABT for short. In this project, kids who have already bought…

School Chest Raises $0.00 on Snow Day

By Picov Andropov DEERFIELD, IL – The tremendous six inches of snowfall last Wednesday was enough to cancel school at DHS and HPHS, but it did not stop the members…

Ask Mr. Motzko: Circus

ASK MR. MOTZKO Dear Mr. Motzko, My sister just got tickets to go see the circus and my parents are making me go. This is unfortunate, considering I have a…

DHS Sophomore Dates 11-Month-Old Beauty

By Orlando DeFrie “I met her at a baby shower, and I guess we just hit it off from there!” These were the words of Harry McNeil, a sophomore at…

Free Hugs Man Charges $1 Per Hug, Loses All Customers