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Pope Spearheads CIA Effort to Crack The Da Vinci Code

By Joaquin Finos

WASHINGTON, D.C.—The CIA just recently announced that Pope Benedict will be heading up its division to decipher the enigma that we know as The Da Vinci Code. Up until this point the CIA has been struggling with intelligence and has not been able to sufficiently make headway on important issues.

“When they asked me to help them crack The Da Vinci Code, I was ecstatic,” remarked the Pope. “Honestly, I really like this book. It is a great piece of fiction.”

With the upcoming confirmation of new CIA chief Michael Hayden, the transitional CIA executive board needed an interim officer to head up the committee to research into the Da Vinci code.

When President Bush approved the Pope to head up the committee, he just wanted to strengthen relations with the Vatican.

Bush was euphoric when he spoke about the Vatican. “You know guys, I never understood the Vatican. Is it a country? Is it a state? Is it a city? Is it a province? Is it a papal district? I don’t know. Honestly, I don’t think anyone knows. The CIA doesn’t even recognize it on their website! What does Holy See even mean?”

The Flipside inquired the Pope as to how he would run the committee to crack the code. He said he had a whole game plan laid out. “The first night, everyone is going to read pages 1-34 and we will do a fishbowl discussion. The section night, we are looking at pages 35-72 and will probably do a reading check of some sort because I doubt President Bush even knows how to read.”

The Cardinals convened to discuss the recent appointment of the Pope to the CIA committee on the Da Vinci Code. Cardinal Poreku Dery had a lot to say about the incident. “I actually really liked the book too. I especially liked the part where they visited Isaac Newton’s tomb. That was so compelling.”

The general consensus among Cardinals and Priests was all of praise for Dan Brown’s Da Vinci Code and the new movie. Father Howdoyoudo commented, “The critics may not have loved the movie, but all of the ministers thought it was just splendid.”

The Pope and the CIA commission will continue to meet to discuss the Da Vinci Code and see if they can crack the mystery.

December 15, 2008

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