Cape Canaveral, Fla.—Last March, President Bush decided after viewing the film The High Cost of Low Price to send a lone astronaut, Buck O’Heehaw to Wal-Mart. Last Tuesday saw the laugh of the shuttle Rediscovery which has since been in orbit around the Wal-Mart. Reports of an unusually high mass have resulted in a stronger than normal gravitational field. To compensate, O’Heehaw was forced to dump a load of his Tang reserves into the big black nothing

Reports from the scout robot sent down two days ago to take soil and atmospheric readings have reported that Wal-Mart’s air, while highly acidic and smelly, can sustain human life. Although due to an abnormally high bacteria count, O’Heehaw will keep his suit on during his exploration

Cameras strapped onto the scout robot did record a few images of what appeared to be plastic skeletons holding up tattered rags with strange designs etched onto them.

Tonight at 1900 hours, O’Heehaw will be departing from his shuttle in a buggy to explore the lifeless shell scientists have nicknamed “The Parking Lot.” The United States wishes him luck.

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