The Story of James McGrozer in his Plight to Pointless Commercial Fame

Fletcher B. Sillet

LITTLE ROCK, AK-What started as a simple commercial campaign has become much larger than that. Mazda’s “Zoom Zoom Kid” a.k.a. “Zoomie” or “The Zoom Master” by his followers has created an uprising in America that critics have claimed akin to Big Boy and the Aflac duck.

“That kid is an inspiration. If anyone can become as famous and popular as he can for doing something so simple; it gives hope to all of us little people,” said Renee Kaplan, a Honda owner. “He is a source of entertainment and joy in our crazy and mixed up world.”

Another follower, Alex Webier had this to say: “He doesn’t want to make me buy a Mazda. Personally, I’d rather own a Jaguar or Rolls Royce. But seeing his face in those commercials can make my day every time.”

However, while some praise him, others are quick to point out his shortcomings. “He’s a scary looking kid! He just pops out in the middle of a commercial and whispers it with that ghastly look on his face!” said a freshman source who will remain anonymous for safety issues.

Several others agree. A national poll taken by the Department of Health shows that 37% of the population is scared of the Mazda boy, 42% praise him, and the other 99% say that they’ve never heard of or seen an opakapaka in their lifetime.

To his family and friends, the “Zoom Zoom Kid” is James McGrozer, an eleven-year-old kid from New Jersey. He prefers not to release any more information. “I love my work. But at the end of the day, I sometimes just want to be a kid, and I can’t do that if everyone is coming to my door and hassling me,” says McGrozer.

Other popular appearances include a square on Hollywood’s “Walk of Fame”, being used as a crossword puzzle clue, and occasional appearances on celebrity versions of “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire!”

While McGrozer continues to appear in commercials, the emotion he has sparked amongst the American public will continue. Albeit, all little James wants is just to be happy. “If it’s by continuing to inspire people across the nation, then that’s what I’ll do.”

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