BY RIOTO SUAVE
DEERFIELD—Just last week, Deerfield High School experienced severe rioting when its satirical newspaper failed to come out last month. Estimates say that around 500 students were found protesting violently in the bus lobby with posters and chanting.
Six students were injured in the protests and one student was arrested as well. According to the trainers, there were two broken legs and a pulled hamstring as well as a few minor ankle sprains and jammed thumbs.
We asked major rioters about their motives to protest. “What do you think I come to school for?” one rioter questioned. “Obviously I come to get my dose of humor from The Flipside newspaper.”
Other protesters agreed. “This school is nothing without The Flipside. This school could be in real trouble if they don’t come out with an issue this month.”
The boys basketball team even refused to play its game versus Glenbrook North when the paper did not come out. Some speculate it is because the team was afraid to play Glenbrook North, but sources close to the team revealed that it was due to the absence of the newspaper.
Local businesses around the community even felt the effect. For the next week, Potbelly’s refused to sell sandwiches and Whole Foods refused to sell anything organic.
The students have been recovering from the absence of last months issue and their doctors said they are in stable condition. Dr. Norm Cossax, the psychiatrist of the six injured students said he was sure they would recover once they got a good laugh from the next issue of The Flipside. He added on the side, “I’m excited for their next issue as well. I hear they are writing an article about Apolo Anton Ohno.” Oh no!