BY U. V. Ells

Paris, France-After nearly two months of civil unrest and commotion in France, the riots that have plagued the country and its surrounding city-states have come to a halt due to Prime Minister Jacques Chirac’s overwhelming politeness.

“All he had to say was please” noted one rioter as he put out his blowtorch and tucked away his nunchucks. “I like to believe that I was properly raised as a child, and I believe that when someone displays good manners towards you, he deserves to receive the same display of manners from me. That is why from now on, me and my fellow rioters have decided to follow our gracious Prime Minister’s example, and bring these riots to a close.”

The Prime Minister’s good graces have set a precedent around the globe. Recent examples are the new Palestinian-Israeli agreement that “sharing is caring” and the American troops in Iraq promising to “clean up”.

Secretary-General of the United Nations Kofi Annan stated that the plan to say please did not just happen overnight. “It took several months of planning, through the use of several special interest committees. Strings had to be pulled to get this one through for Chirac. No one thinks of an idea as brilliant as they wake up in the morning, rather, it had to be strategically mapped out in order to strike the rioters where it would hurt them most.”

While the increase in manners for many of the world’s leaders, it has lead to minor pratfalls for a few. When the worldwide increase of the use of manners was mentioned at a recent White House press conference, President Bush replied, “I always told people honesty was the best policy, honestly. Thank you.”

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