casaIn a stunning movement to show unity for the 2016 Chicago Olympic bid, Jim Henry and Ken Williams have announced the start of the Cubs and Sox Alliance (CASA). CASA is spearheaded by Lou Pinella and Ozzie Guillen, who approached the podium today holding hands. Ozzie started the speech by saying, “This is the bleeping best thing to happen to Chicago since I bleep…” before he was torn away from the mike. However, Ozzie punched the security guy in the face and shouted that, “And Jay Mariotti is garbage.”

Never flustered, Lou Piniella leisurely strolled up to the podium. He explained, “CASA is a way for Chicagoans to get along. Instead of bickering and fighting, why can’t we be friends? Together, we can be united in the complete hatred of umpires, those dirty good for nothing scoundrels…” Piniella rambled on; eventually finishing his speech long after anybody cared to listen to him. On his way out, CASA spokesman Sammy Sosa gave Lou a big, friendly baseball slap on the tucas. Some believe he actually slipped Lou some ‘roids, but either way Sosa says, “CASA has been very, very good for me” in his new, completely accent free voice.

One controversial part of the plan is the three-strike program. If a CASA member is seen celebrating a Cubs or Sox loss, teasing another CASA member, or even mentioning it has been a 100 years, they receive on strike. Here is also a Carlos Zambrano “no-hit violence policy.” However, that policy is dramatically different every five days.

Fair or foul, CASA has a lot of potential. Some may balk at the program, but those who jump on it early will find it is a steal. Sure, there might be a few curveballs along the way, but ultimately I think the program will be a home run.

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