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Professor Snape to Teach AP Chemistry At DHS

By Flagstaff Roberts

HOGWARTS- After our beloved Professor Snape left Hogwarts in the 6th Harry Potter book he was unemployed. Poor Snape.

That was why, being the accepting folk that we are at Deerfield High School, hired him to teach Advanced Placement Chemistry.

When he applied for a teaching job at Deerfield his application said that he preferred teaching Defense of the Dark Arts but would if necessary, teach Potions.

We were sad to break the news to our dear Professor that we had neither of those classes here at Deerfield. We did tell him that chemistry was the closest thing we had, and when he showed us a few of those combustion reactions, the deal was sealed.

We were hesitant, however, to hire Snape because we knew of his dark background. It was rumor that he had killed a few people. But that was neither here nor there.

New Trier had rejected him, for example, and they faced sever consequences. They recently had some grave dark magic occurrences such as a student getting turned into pasta and the doors started speaking jibberish.

Niles North, also was known to use dark magic to win back sophomore state field hockey championships. Those dreadful cadets.

Deerfield High School was not about to have this fate.

We had a talk with Professor Snape about his lesson plans for the first couple weeks of school.

“Why, we will start them off with something easy,” he said in his sinister voice. “We may boil newts into phosphorous or something of the like.”

Overall the Deerfield High School populace is honored to have the renowned Professor Snape as a teacher.

November 28, 2008

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