By Herbie Karjoj

DEERFIELD, IL – Every DHS student has knocked into one of the Spanish teachers at Deerfield High School while they were towing around their ubiquitous beige metal carts. These carts may seem to be simply a way for these educators to move their laptops, teaching materials, and markers from one classroom to the next, but they are so much more.

Spanish III Honors teacher, Señora Velasqez, shared with reporters that her cart, “is a microcosm of her life”. “My cart carries cute little pictures of my grand-niece and her puppies, my cell phone, complete with a Ricky Martin ringtone so that my students can be immersed in the Spanish culture when my husband calls me throughout the day, and a few boxes of tissues. The tissue boxes represent my deep emotional attachment to the Spanish language.”

On a different, more interesting note, Señor Parkman admitted, “I keep an open container of six month old sour cream on the bottom shelf of my cart so that students move out of my way when I walk through the crowded X-F intersection.” He added, “When those kids get a whiff of the ‘ParkKart’, as I like to call her, they pretty much create a runway to the door of my next class.

That gives me plenty of time to get into the room early and sip my Arizona Iced Tea before the headache of class begins.”
Some students complain that these carts cause problems in the hallways and create congestion in doorways. DHS Junior Daniel Nguyen recalled, “The Chinese teachers just rolled clear over my foot and into my shin last week with her devilish cart. I call it the steel killer on wheels. I still have a huge gash. The doctor says I’ll be on crutches for the next two weeks. None of the teachers even said that they were sorry. These carts have got to go.”

The World Language department disagrees. “We devote a large part of the department’s budget to refurbishing the carts every year and keeping them in tip-top shape,” said department chair and Hebrew teacher, Jeffrey Goldman. They are a key asset to our students’ ability to learn a World Language because everybody knows that when students get a paper cut on the side of one of their numerous vocabulary review sheet handouts they will need a few squirts of Purell from their teachers’ carts to prevent infection.”

A French teacher, Madame Chien, surprised reporters with an amazing confession. “My secret it that my cart’s a Transformer,” Mme Chien coyly admitted. “His name is the Conjugator and I fly him to school every day. I could never give up my cart. He saves me the trouble of finding a spot in the heavily-crowded staff parking lot.” Later she told reporters, “The Conjugator and I are great friends. We have a “I scratch your back and you scratch mine” relationship. He carries me and all of my assignments, be them listening labs or overhead exercises, to school five days a week, and I decorate him with pretty Christmas lights so that he can be the prettiest cart in the whole school.”

After hearing this news, students’ views on the infamous World Language carts may change. “I’ve always thought Transformers were
pretty cool,” recalled Sophomore Alana Armstrong, “and I may invest in one of those carts to push around all day too! I hear backpacks are really bad for your back anyway, and rolling backpacks are the new black. I might as well take it one step further and get a cool metal cart.”

+ posts
You May Also Like

In Defense of WDT

WDT is under attack. They’ve been made villains by nearly all of…

Dunkin’ Donuts Changes Name to Be Politically Correct

by Anfernee Van Tarkus MASSACHUSETTS-Leading donut and coffee provider Dunkin’ Donuts has…

SparkNotes Releases SparkNoted SparkNotes

By Jeremy Hoodaman SparkNotes, the sworn enemy of English teachers everywhere, recently…

I Really Don’t Know Which Super Power I Want

by Austin Graypad Recently, I have been asked about super heroes, or…