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College Counselor Eats Dreams, Children
Dorothy, I don’t think we are in Kansas anymore. “Well, that’s unfortunate,” says one local college counselor, “because Kansas is a really, really good school. You should apply to Kansas.”…
“Straight” Males Go to All Boys Camp For 9th Straight Summer
As school comes to an end, a large portion of the DHS student body heads off to overnight camp, coming out of the closet with loads of camp gear. Spending…
Flipside Writer Promises Not To Ask Prom Date Publicly
As prom rapidly approaches, people scramble to figure out their plans, find a group, or come to terms with their social incompetence. Prom drama is, of course, more exciting than…
Did I Miss Anything in Class Yesterday?
A Teacher’s Perspective “Did I miss anything in class yesterday?” asks a student. “No. The entire world revolves around you, therefore, we did not do anything because you were not…
Interpretive Dance Assembly Teaches DHS Students Things
The dance speaker wisely stated, “each dance means different things to different people.” For most, the dances meant absolutely nothing. Clearly, DHS has had to undergo significant budget cuts, as…
Cubs Fill City With False Hope Yet Again
Carlos Zambrano approached the podium today, cool, calm, and collected. He told Chicago with great confidence “We will get the Olympics in 2016.” Derrick Lee was quick to scoop up…
Celtics Decide to Sit Pierce Too, Want Bulls to Have a Chance
After winning just as much as losing, the .500 Bulls are in the playoffs. Rookie Derrick Rose, the only Bull with talent, understands, “Hey, it’s the Eastern conference. The standards…
Boys Are Better
By: A Boy It is the age old debate, a debate that only recently women are allowed to enter: which gender is superior. Who does g-d love more? (I’m pretty…
Girls Rule, Boys Drool
According to a recent study from Australia, “Girls are 92.4% more likely to get into uni and end up making a lot more money.” Sorry, no offense, but it’s true.…
Dear person who stole my calculator,
I am reluctant to use the word person in my address because clearly you are something less than human. Let me extend a hearty congratulations to you, mister, who commits…