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Girls Rule, Boys Drool

girls-rule According to a recent study from Australia, “Girls are 92.4% more likely to get into uni and end up making a lot more money.” Sorry, no offense, but it’s true. Along with these findings, it has also been statistically proven that boys are 74% more likely than girls to develop bacterial infections that would otherwise be eliminated by even semi-regular use of soap.

When questioned about his thoughts on this statistical fact, Bam Slock offered no defense, instead abandoning the integrity of his entire gender by admitting that, “Seventy-four percent seems a bit low.” Not only are boys dirty, but apparently they also lack loyalty.

Science, invented by Marie Currie (a woman), also favors females. Biology teacher Evan Joy commented, “It is interesting that natural selection has worked out so poorly for males. No matter how many generations of human beings come and go, boys still smell like crap.”

In a pathetic attempt at dissing girls, Stu Minkus, a particularly scrawny, pitiful excuse for a human, notes most directors are male. But Hollywood, named after a girl and a tree, is dominated by gorgeous females. Minkus fails to realize that this display of disloyalty (male directors casting pretty females, and not males, as the primary attraction) is unavoidable. Males cannot “sell sex” because they aren’t good looking enough.

So boys are not only uglier and weaker as a species than girls, but they also aren’t even smart enough to come up with good reasons for why they don’t suck. Boys are smelly (just consult the boy’s locker room), ugly (see: Michael Jackson), weak (Minkus), and not as smart as girls. Plus, girls get to take credit for Latika (Freida Pinto) from Slumdog Millionaire, arguably the most gorgeous human being ever to walk the planet. Alex Miller, male traitor, said, “I love Latika. She is the best thing that ever happened to this world. I hate people who don’t love Latika.” Finally, the article about how boys are better was written by a raging sexist.

Another study from the U.S. found that, “Frankly, boys are 98% worse than girls.”

April 11, 2009

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