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“When in Doubt, Poop It Out,” Says Unidentified Student

About week and a half ago, a student innocently headed for the M-Hall boy’s bathroom. However, that lucky student was met with none other than a shoe full of poop a few steps outside of the bathroom doors. Which means, yes, someone decided to drop a deuce in the middle of the hallway during the middle of a school day. Whether you believe it or not, this is not a joke: someone actually did poop in front of the bathroom, and someone actually did step in it (ask Mrs. Gorman’s 6th period theater class if you don’t believe us). So, though it was difficult, The Flipside attempted to come up with a few possible reasons as to why someone would do this. They are as follows:

1. The anonymous pooper just gets a thrill out of pooping in public. Plain and simple.
2. The dingleberry dropper wanted to let DHS know how he felt about it, and used his 11:34 bathroom break as inspiration.
3. The brown bandit was taking a stand against the investors on Wall Street by showing us what would happen if we couldn’t afford toilets. Point made.
4. The defecating demon was triple-dog dared to do it. Everyone knows you can’t say no to a triple-dog dare.
5. The squatting scoundrel was ambushed by not only a pair of laxatives in his Fig Newtons, but a belt thief in his 3rd period gym class.
6. The fecal felon accidentally mistook “Bro, there’s a lot of hoopla outside Ms. Shah’s math room” for “Go poop outside the M-Hall bathroom.”

While we are crossing our fingers for number three, we’ll never know unless we find out who did it. If the person who did it is reading this right now, we are always open to letters to the editor. But until the day will come when the toilet traitor has been identified, watch where you step.

July 24, 2012

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