After IHSA guidelines silenced the passionate and overly-emotional members of DHS’ own Drill Team and Warriorettes, the time has finally come for the two teams to merge together. Since oddly religious-based stickers aren’t going to come to their rescue anymore, they have finally come to a compromise: and that compromise is that they need to have a long discussion about what they’re going to compromise.

“There’s no way we’re going to start wearing panty hose,” says Drill Team captain Kimberly Benson. “The baggier my pants are, the cooler I feel when I dance.” Drill Team seems to have taken the strongest stance on the dress code for next year, demanding super-cool themed outfits and anything falling under the category “gangstah.” However, they were willing to add pom-pons to their routine in exchange for being allowed to make those weird faces.

“I’m so glad the girls have been working together to overcome adversity,” said Warriorettes head coach Sally Nevers, who appeared a bit flustered during her interview. “They have really been trying hard to…they’ve been…oh, who am I kidding. Between the hair pulling and the ‘DTUKNOW’ chants, I just want to say: no DT, you don’t know.”
As far as the routines go, the human worm and the pom-pon pass-off are a must. But whenever the Poms girls don’t get their way, they just start a 20-yard kick line that slowly advances toward the other girls until they surrender. “Believe me, you never want to be in that position,” Benson said.

Another important question to consider is how the girls will be judged for tryouts next year. Since both coaches admitted that they would have biases against their own dancers, they decided to leave the decisions up to the administration. That, however, resulted in a banning of nearly half the dance moves the girls could do on behalf of being “too risqué.” “I’m just not sure that moving my body like that is exactly how I would want to present myself to the school board or in front of my students,” said administrator Betsy Kinkle, straightening out her skirt. Other possible judges are middle school music teacher Cynthia Fremling and ex-Charisma choreographer Aaron Rumack.

Despite these reports, the girls and coaches say that they are very excited to be combining next year. While the seams will by no means be flawless, the two teams have been taking it one step at a time until their merge is 100% complete.

On the plus side, Student Congress and
Model UN aren’t merging!

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