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Deerfield Authorities Cracking Down on Fun

By Jeremy Hoodaman

Authorities in Deerfield are fed up with the smiles and laughter of teens in the community.

The chief of police promised consequences for residents who attempt to have a good time. Punishments will by doubly harsh for parents who knowingly let their children enjoy their high school experience. Jumping on trampolines, playing Wii Tennis, and making Shrinky Dinks are just several now illegal acts that police are cracking down on.

“Deerfield has prided itself for being a town built on sadness and fear. Our community’s law enforcement strategies only further
support these values,” Deerfield mayor Harriet Rosenthal told The Flipside. “We want tax-payers to know that it is the goal of every Deerfield government worker that Deerfield students will be sitting at home alone on Saturday nights for many years to come.”

Village officials say they are increasing efforts to stop the already small amounts of fun that Deerfield teens can manage.
Several DHS students have already felt the effects of the decidedly harsh measures taken by the high school administration. Last week, two students were suspended from school after the deans got hold of Facebook pictures depicting them embracing one another outside of Potbelly’s, allegedly sporting large grins.

“I have had a long chat with police chief Stephen Hartley,” the mayor continued, “and we have both agreed that the sound of children’s laughter makes us both incredibly nauseous. So we will be taking a look at that as well.”
Some of their plans include making the skate park an extension of the Patty-Turner senior center, only to be used by their residents.

April 25, 2010

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