pessimist I am thankful for everything. Just everything. Everything is wonderful. How can we not be thankful for the economy? It is going just great! I cannot wait to spoil my kids rotten with presents this holiday season considering how super spectacular the economy is doing. Maybe I’ll give them some of my now worthless Bear Stearns stock to use as extra padding for their beds.

I also am really thankful for the travel Thanksgiving necessitates. I simply am beside myself with excitement for yet another six-hour drive to my mother-in-law’s house. There is nowhere I’d rather spend my time than with my in-laws in the beautiful, prosperous city of Flint, Michigan. From the for sale signs to the three paved roads in that town, it sure beats staying in the comfort of my Deerfield home. Who likes the superior food, entertainment options, and working restroom facilities of Deerfield anyways? I surely don’t.

And the weather. Don’t let me forget to thank some higher power for the weather. The Flint forecast calls for snow, snow, and guess what, a little more snow. I bet it’s going to hail too.

Let’s not forget to thank day light savings. Thanks to this ingenious idea, it will be pitch black by five for Thanksgiving.

In short, I am so thankful for Thanksgiving, my favorite holiday. Not.

+ posts
You May Also Like

In Defense of WDT

WDT is under attack. They’ve been made villains by nearly all of…

Dunkin’ Donuts Changes Name to Be Politically Correct

by Anfernee Van Tarkus MASSACHUSETTS-Leading donut and coffee provider Dunkin’ Donuts has…

SparkNotes Releases SparkNoted SparkNotes

By Jeremy Hoodaman SparkNotes, the sworn enemy of English teachers everywhere, recently…

I Really Don’t Know Which Super Power I Want

by Austin Graypad Recently, I have been asked about super heroes, or…