Baby Lali, April 8SAINI VILLAGE, India—In a slightly uncommon shenanigan, Erica Doodad was born with two faces. Although many fellow Indians believe she is a reincarnation of a Hindu goddess, some startling news has caused her parents to do an about face. The College Board responded promptly and announced already that Erica will get half the time other students get on the ACT.

The world series of poker has also announced Erica is never to play professional poker because her opponents are afraid to look her in the eyes. Superstar poker player Greg Fossleman admits, “I could probably call a bluff on a one eyed pirate or a regular two-eyed human, but this four-eyed pokemon like human would be impossible to read.”

Furthermore, Erica has been completely banned from Vegas because she would be twice as good at counting cards than those kids from 21.

Many distant relatives of Erica Doodad see the situation as a boon. Uncle Frank Galinto pointed out that Erica will “really have eyes in the back of her head, kinda.” Not only that, jublinat third cousin Tina Fromp from Tallahassee noticed that she probably will have an enhanced sense of smell and taste, “what with two noses and two mouths and all.”

Erica’s parents have many other mounting worries. Mommy Doodad explains, “If Erica ever has to wear glasses, students would probably call her eight-eyes.” Deeply religious, Daddy Doodad wonders if Erica will give, “Eye for an eye for an eye for an eye.” In addition, Erica is likely to be banned from Facebook, but DoubleFacebook is always available.

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