DEERFIELD, IL—So, you are finally starting to take your AP tests and you have realized that the seniors in your classes have been checked out for at least two months. The 2007-2008 school year is coming to an end. Let’s review what happened:
AUGUST
We all arrived to school with our thirty-one pound backpacks prepared for a busy year ahead of us. We kicked it off with the Kickoff Dance, which happened before we learned all of our teacher’s names. But after the dance, we knew their names because they all supervised so well.
SEPTEMBER
Time to go to your first random club meeting that you vow you will make it through to the entire year. You pick out of a hat…Earthworks and Chess Club. But you realize that you actually can’t go because you have to ask that girl to homecoming. But you don’t know her name yet either.
OCTOBER
Winter break starts. Actually it doesn’t, but it seems like it because this is when it started snowing. And it kept snowing, reminding you that Chicago has year-long winters. But everything has its minor upsides (See January and February.)
DECEMBER
By now you have hopefully either: 1) applied to college 2) taken your first final exam 3) gotten locked out of your first final exam or 4) experienced your first pizza sale. But for some reason it’s $2.00. (Inflation, or possibly conniving money-making fundraisers.)
JANUARY
Winter break still going on, or if it wasn’t, you can’t tell the difference what with Martin Luther King Day, Snow Day, Snow Day 2, Gas Leak Day. Either Gas Leak Day, or what has now been dubbed by leading conspiracy theorists as Alien Invasion and Celebration Week. Because Snow, Gas, and Martin Luther King are all intrinsically liked in a future life.
FEBRUARY
There was Valentines Day somewhere in there, but more importantly, we picnicked in class with plastic plates and cups (I’ll bring the napkins!), we wore restaurant t-shirts and for some reason the other ones were upside down. But don’t worry, you won’t get punished for the upside down shirts when they’re sanctioned (even though that terrible fashion sense offends all common decency!) Super Tuesday was a hit in theaters near you.
MARCH
Still snowing. School resumes after spring break. Rest of March probably non-notable. You probably wished four or five people happy birthday on Facebook. Malta and Zimbabwe hold elections to the notice of six or seven politically active students.
APRIL
Snow is on and off now. Spring break lasts entire month, but sports pick up again, the musical sings about who knows what. The seniors taught your class, and you learned a thing or to about how unfit they were to teach your class. You took the ACT maybe, or something at least.
MAY
That’s where we are now, you took some AP tests, and finally after, you became proficient in both French and filling in bubbles (But the first is questionable.) You learned how to spell AP and wrote it in all over the school, and you learned that it stood for Advanced Placement, but beyond that you would need to consult your textbook.
JUNE
Those of you who haven’t figured out that the year is over stay at school. Grades come back, snow starts up again, and conspiracy theorists take a break until next year.
Well that’s the year, or some of it. People say we didn’t do anything this year but I would like to disagree strongly. We did at least two or three things. Until next year.
