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Justin Bieber Announces Plan to Go Metal
LOS ANGELES, CA–Teen hair icon and “singing” sensation Justin Bieber announced in a recent statement that he is in the process of recording a new single which, he claims, will…
New Community Service Club to Come to DHS
As the pressure sets in for upperclassmen to get into their dream schools (or any school at all), junior Marty Parker suddenly realized that Deerfield was desperately in need of…
APA and MLA Gods Agree For the First Time
Scientists and historians alike attended the first ever Bibliographiation conference in the neutral Oslo, Norway. Both sides of the works cited debate made concessions, but their respective gods have finally…
School Just Wants to Talk About Its Issues
DEERFIELD, IL–Everyone knows the school’s been going through some rough times. The referendum last year failed to pass, many irreplaceable teachers retired, and many of the students are questioning where…