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Fine Arts Assembly Canceled Due to Too Much Laughter Over Its Nickname

New Twilight Movie Released, Cedric is Still Dead

Bieber Christmas CD Sells Out, Five-Year-Olds and Middle-Aged Moms Disappointed Everywhere

Ministry Tries to Fill Positions, Looks to Potter

By Elodin LONDON, ENGLAND–With the war against You-Know-Who finally over and life returning to normal for the majority of the wizarding community, the Ministry of Magic is in utter disarray.…

New Call of Duty Game Best Thing Since Sliced Bread

By Harrison Johnson and Brenda Mandarino DEERFIELD, IL–Chances are, most of you reading this article immediately noticed the phrase “Call of Duty” and decided it was worth reading. It is.…