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The Sandman Finds Himself Unemployed as Students Sleep Less

For those who do not know, The Sandman is a mythological being, similar to The Tooth Fairy, who puts people to sleep and gives them happy dreams with his magic sand. However, the big S is finding it hard to continue with his job due to record-low levels of student sleeping.

“I remember these kids,” Sandman fondly reminisces. “I used to put them to sleep every night when they were little, but now they never actually go to bed. Between the thousands of hours of shows and movies on Netflix for them to watch all night and their friends all staying up and texting, I’ve almost been completely replaced.

“It’s especially bad around this time,” he added, “because the kids never sleep. They study, they eat, and they go to school. Of course, their sports are still going, so they cannot physically finish their homework before bedtime because they get home so late.

“And if they do sleep, it is most definitely not my work. I give people happy dreams, but all these kids do is have nightmares about college rejection letters and their chemistry finals.

“It’s a commission job, so I’ve been struggling to make ends meet for a while, but this last month it was just impossible to keep going. I filed for unemployment benefits yesterday.”

“Wow, that’s bad,” I sympathized with the Mythological Entity. “Now that you’ve lost your job, do you have any plans for what you are going to do?”

“Well, I’m never completely out of work. I bet you there are a lot of people who would want to put someone to sleep. But right now I’m focused on trying to win the lottery. Have you seen that thing? Sweet, right?”

The Sandman then disapparated into thin air, his interview complete. Unfortunately, I never got to ask him what the Tooth Fairy was doing with all those teeth.

January 31, 2016

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