Obituary: My Car

By Travis Delmar
Sometime between 4PM on October 12, 2010 and 10AM on October 13, 2010, THE INCINERATOR expelled its final fumes. The exact cause of termination is still unknown. Experts believe that “pushing into 4th gear in order to make it home before curfew” may have finally destroyed any remaining
motivation that the rusting 13 year old machine possessed. Still the more plausible explanation involves a broken water pump and a lack of anti-freeze.
Held together by little more than its burnt red paint job and a lot of luck, THE INCINERATOR enjoyed polluting,
midnight gas runs, and longs parks at the beach parking lot. In its final years, THE INCINERATOR did not make it out of the city very often. However, one of THE INCINERATOR’s
fondest memories was The Great Family Road Trip of ’05. Its favorite street was Osterman Road because of its proximity to its favorite gas station (Shell) as well as the downward slopes leading home.
As a Detroit-born machine, THE INCINERATOR felt few family ties to its bankrupt brethren that were always nagging it for some spending money. In 2008, THE INCINERATOR officially changed its name from Dodge Durango. Formally a proud supporter of Obama, THE INCINERATOR lost all faith in politics after it was almost “cashed in” and rudely called a “clunker” in 2009.
The burial will be held at Willson Junkyard sometime in the next two weeks. In the meantime, you are invited to bring a bumper sticker and join the family in mourning at the Shell Station between 9:10 and 9:20 AM tomorrow.

October 16, 2010

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